


Take my hand.

by pastfics (starlighteyed)



Series: jøshler fanfic cøllectiøn [2]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Boys In Love, Cheesy, Child Abuse, Cutting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluffy Ending, Graphic Description, Happy Ending, High School, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sex, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Josh in Love, M/M, No Smut, Overthinking, Secret Admirer, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2018-09-08 05:12:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8831767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlighteyed/pseuds/pastfics
Summary: Tyler finds himself receiving cute messages from a secret admirer and also meeting up with a mysterious boy in the park between nights of abuse of his alcoholic dad. He doesn't know how much longer he can keep going with bruises on his body and poisoned thoughts behind his forehead.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! Here's another angsty/fluffy one shot from me. It's part two of my Joshler one shot series, check the previous one out if you'd like! :)  
> If you want, leave comments and kudos, that would be nice. I would really appreciate that.  
> Also, if you haven't read the tags...  
> TW!! There is graphic self-harm in this, so don't read this if you are easily triggered or anything. Your health is more important than comments and kudos. Also, there is abuse and mentions of suicide so yeah.  
> I love you all, I hope everything's going well.  
> If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here <3  
> (my tumblr: [bluewednesdays](http://bluewednesdays.tumblr.com))  
> Thank you for reading this, stay alive frens |-/

Tyler just wanted to get away from the demons crawling up from the pit of his stomach to his throat. His dad has been shouting at him and beating him up for at least half an hour now, and he finally fell asleep as he was drunk. Tyler decided to go to the park, even though it was about 9 in the evening. He didn’t care, he just didn’t want to be alone and not in the same house as the inhuman creature that was his father.  
Tyler packed his things into his backpack, put his shoes and jumper on and quietly left the house. The weather seemed to be quite warm, but he still zipped up his jumper. Perhaps it wasn’t the warmth but the safe feeling that came with it.  
He slowly walked to the closest park. It was empty and as a weak wind moved through the air, the swings indicated this too with creaky sounds as they moved slightly. This made Tyler notice the swings so he went up to them and sat down on one of them.  
The almost-night sky was so beautiful. Full of stars that could be seen clearly. No distracting clouds that would hide some of them, nothing that would have hidden them. Tyler sighed and smiled. He was sad inside, but it still made him happy that he could finally see such a sight after months. Tyler loved spring. It was his favourite season. Everything was starting to look more alive and be reborn, ready for the summer again. It was never too hot or cold in the spring. That’s why he liked it so much. It was the season that made him feel alive. It also made him feel like he could start fresh and personally grow again, just like the trees and other plants in nature that grew leaves and flowers.  
He also liked writing. He has brought his little notebook full of his own poems and a pen that was his great companion when writing. Writing always helped him. He could write whatever he was thinking, no one told him what to do, unlike in English lessons in high school. He loved English though. He loved art too. And also music. But the rest of the subjects were just plain boring for him. In his free time, he also went to open mic nights where people read out their poems. Tyler loved hearing other poets and he would’ve loved to read one of his ones aloud, but he was too scared to stand in front of an audience, even though it was only about 15 people there. Maybe one day he’ll have the courage. His anxiety usually got the best of him.  
As Tyler got deep into his thoughts and started thinking about what he should write, it got colder and darker. He knew he wouldn’t be able to see the notebook and what he was writing in it, but he had his phone that had a torch on it. It was good enough for him. He started writing, thinking about reading it out to the poetry club that was tomorrow (every Tuesday). He wasn’t sure and the thought made his stomach shake with anxiety.  
Tyler didn’t notice the dark, shadowy figure getting closer and closer to him until the person sat down next to him on the other swing. As he was holding his phone in his mouth, he looked to the direction the mysterious figure was sitting down. He wasn’t so mysterious anymore though as Tyler’s phone was giving out a great radius of light. The boy’s face was slightly illuminated by the small amount of light which made Tyler’s stomach feel a bit dizzy. He couldn’t see much of the other boy’s face so he wasn’t sure why he felt weird. Maybe it’s the way his dimples came out as he was smiling at him, maybe it’s the way his dark eyes were shining like stars, he had no clue. He didn’t see his face very clearly. Just a few details here and there.  
“Hey.” The unknown boy said softly, with his bright smile that lit up the whole world in Tyler’s opinion. He recognised the voice, but didn’t know who it belonged to.  
“Hey. You scared me.” Tyler answered quietly. He didn’t mean to come off as rude though.  
“Sorry, I’m not too good with first impressions, am I?” He laughed and that made Tyler’s heart flutter.  
They had started a conversation, talking about everything. Tyler felt like this boy was so much like him. He loved music, poetry and art too. Even though Tyler didn’t see his face and didn’t recognise him, he had said that he went to his high school. He was a bit more different than him though. He was clearly an extrovert with dozens of friends, average grades and a perfect life in a perfect family. He probably had beyond what he needed to survive. Tyler didn’t even know why the mysterious boy wanted to talk to him.  
“Why are you even talking to me?” Tyler’s thoughts have been let loose and slipped out his mouth. He instantly regretted asking. He shouldn’t have. The boy was probably going to leave him there and never see him again.  
“What do you mean?” The other one asked surprised.  
“I mean, you have everything. You sound like one of those popular guys in our school. Don’t get me wrong, you’re not one of those asshole popular guys, you seem nice but why would talk to a loser like me? I don’t understand.” Tyler felt the acidic burn in his throat. This happened often when he knew he had said something or done something he shouldn’t have.  
“You are better than everyone else I’ve ever met. I saw you in school, always being on your own and when I saw you from my window, I knew I needed to come and talk to you. Sorry if that sounds creepy.” That made Tyler’s heart jump up to his throat. Did this person just say that? He never expected anyone to say anything close to that.  
“I-uh-thank you.” Tyler said, blushing, thankful for the dark surrounding them because otherwise, the other boy would’ve seen his red cheeks.  
“It’s the truth.” He said and quiet has filled the night air. “I think you should go home though. It’s 11.” The stranger said. They didn’t realise how long they were talking for until now. Tyler needed to get home as soon as possible. And so did the mysterious boy.  
“God, thanks for reminding me. I really have to go. And I think you should too.” Tyler quickly stood up and started putting his things back into his bag.  
“Yeah, I’ll be going now too. Do you want me to take you home or will you be safe alone?” He asked politely.  
“No, I’ll be fine, but thank you.” Tyler said.  
“I guess I’ll see you around?” The other boy said.  
“Definitely…” Tyler said.  
“So what’s your name, pretty boy?” Tyler’s cheeks heat up again.  
“I’m Tyler.” He said, reaching out so the other boy could shake his hand.  
“Hi, Tyler, it’s nice to meet you.” The boy said and shook Tyler’s hand.  
“What’s your name then?” Tyler asked. He was so mysterious.  
“It doesn’t matter. You’ll know one day, when the time comes.” Tyler couldn’t say anything else as he was soon out of the park.  
Tyler arrived at home with many thoughts circling in his head. Why did this boy capture him already? He haven’t even seen his face, only his personality. Why did Tyler suddenly want to talk to this person more? He didn’t even know his name.  
Tyler has went to bed and fell asleep with happy feelings for the first time in a long time. He either has cried himself to sleep, or passed out from the pain his father has given him along with the bruises.  
He couldn’t get over this person. Who was he?  
***  
Tyler woke up to the sound of his alarm going off on his phone, next to him on the bed. He slowly opened his eyes and looked at the notifications on his phone. Shortly after, he got up and went to take a shower. His bruises and cuts he got from his dad yesterday stung as he let the hot water warm his body up. It has been a long day yesterday, but Tyler knew Tuesdays were the best. The open mic nights, or as he called it, the poetry club. He loved it more than anything and lived for every Tuesday.  
He usually walked to school which took a good 45 minutes, but that morning as he walked out the door, a taxi cab was in front of his house. He was very confused but as the taxi driver started talking to him, it made everything more confusing.  
“Hello, are you Tyler?” The guy asked, he must’ve been about 40 years old as his voice was a bit raspy.  
“Yeah.” Tyler said hesitantly.  
“One of your friends asked me to pick you up. You ready to go?”  
“Yeah, sure thanks.” Tyler said and sat into the car.  
When they were both buckled up in the taxi, the driver looked back at him.  
“And your friend sent those flowers too.” He pointed at the roses next to Tyler on the backseat.  
“Who is this person exactly?” He asked as he picked the red tulips and looked at them in awe.  
“They told me not to tell you. Sorry.” The driver said and turned back to the steering wheel and the 15 minute long journey started. Tyler felt surprised and happy. A sense of curiosity was still at the back of his mind though. The tulips were his favourite colour even though it was a typical colour of these kind of flowers. As he looked closely at the tulips, he noticed a small card on the side of the cellophane that was wrapped around the flowers.  
_‘You are so lovely, Tyler. These are for you. I hope you like them and I know most tulips are red but I know your favourite colour is red so... Have a good day at school. I’ll see you there. – your secret admirer… ps. I do realise this is very cheesy. :)’_  
Tyler smiled at the little note and sighed. It made his stomach feel tingly.  
As Tyler arrived at school, he has carefully put the tulips in his bag to make sure not to break them, thanked the driver and got out of the taxi, slowly walking towards his high school.  
He lost his friends at the end of freshman year because of a rumour so he didn’t have people to hang out with. Most of the time he hung out in his art teacher’s classroom. Mr. Westbrook was nice to him, maybe even nicer than any other teacher. Sometimes they would have deep conversations about life in general but he didn’t know about Tyler being abused at home. Tyler would never tell anyone about it. He was scared he could get in trouble if his dad got to know he told someone. Mr. Westbrook was like a friend to him, but he didn’t tell him about things that were too private, like his dad’s situation.  
As Tyler was walking into the building, he was looking around curiously whether anyone was staring at him. He thought he would see his mysterious admirer, but no one even looked at him like that, everyone just looked at him like he was the biggest loser of the planet. So Tyler just stared at his feet as he was walking. When he got to his locker, he got the books out of his bag but noticed a piece of paper, folded up in the little storage space. He unfolded the paper and blushed, hoping no one would see it.  
_‘I’m sorry I can’t tell you who I am. I hope you don’t hate me for it. Has anyone I ever told you that you’re beautiful? It might sound creepy, but your face is just too pretty. I’ve been looking at you a lot and I find it cute when you smile. I can see your adorable dimples. But you should smile more. It looks good on you. So again, have a good day. I’ll see you around. You know who I am (hint: your secret admirer).’_  
Who was this person? He really wanted to know.  
He put the note back into his locker, closed it and as he knew it was really early, he went to Mr. Westbrook’s classroom. Tyler knew that he would help him out with putting the flowers somewhere. With a knock, Tyler entered the classroom that smelt like drying paint, which he loved, and saw Mr. Westbrook appear shortly after, coming out of the storage room of the art department.  
“Oh Tyler. Good morning. How comes you’re so early?” He smiled at the smaller boy standing next to his desk.  
“Uh, yeah, well, apparently, I have a secret admirer. They called a taxi to my house and so that’s why I got here so early.” Tyler said, not believing his own words.  
“Secret admirer?” Mr. Westbrook laughed a little. “Hm, well that’s strange. I thought was a thing only in fiction.” He looked thoughtful.  
“If that’s strange, just look at this.” Tyler pulled the red tulips out of his bag which was red too. “The taxi driver told me it was for me. It’s very strange.”  
“Well, well, Mr. Joseph, you better keep your eyes open for this person. Here, I’ll put them in water and on my desk for the day if you don’t mind. At least until the end of the day. Then you can take them, if you want.” Mr. Westbrook said humorously, offering his help.  
“I was about to ask. Thank you Mr. Westbrook.” Tyler said, giving the flowers to him.  
“Just call me Elliott outside of class, Tyler. Please. And also, give me a second.” He said and disappeared in the storage room again, but came back in a few seconds with a transparent vase half full of water. Mr. Westbrook placed it on his desk.  
“Thank you, _Elliott _.” Tyler said.__  
Then Tyler and Elliott sat down and quietly did some work, both of them getting ready for school. As the bell rang, students started coming into the classroom and Tyler took his usual place at the back. He looked around, seeing some people catch his eyes but not giving him any kind of looks. The lesson started shortly, and everyone continued working on their own piece of art for one of their projects they were doing this year. They had to paint a person who inspired them. It took a long time to outline them, then start painting them as it had to be done on a large canvas. Most people in this class enjoyed making art so it was a calm atmosphere. Tyler enjoyed these lessons.  
When the lesson ended, his phone buzzed in his pocket as he was approaching his locker to get his Maths books out. He quickly pulled it out of his skinny jeans’ pocket and his heart started beating faster as he read the text.  
_‘Private number: Tyler, you look so nice today. You look nice every day. I like your painting too. And I saw that the tulips were on Mr. Westbrook’s table. They look beautiful, don’t they? But I think you look better. :)’_  
***  
After school, he picked up his tulips from Elliott’s classroom and hurried outside of the school buildings. He passed the parking lot but heard someone say his name, so he turned to the direction of the sound. His heart painfully beat as he realised it wasn’t who he thought was calling him. It was the taxi driver from this morning. He walked up to him and looked at him with a painful expression.  
“Looks like we’ll be joining each other again.” The cab driver said and they both got inside the car without further ado. Tyler was happy that he didn’t have to walk home.  
After he was dropped home, he ran upstairs and put the flowers in a tall glass that he found in his kitchen, put them on the bedside table and quickly got ready for the poetry club. He brushed his teeth, made sure he didn’t smell like trash and painted his neck and hands black. That was how he went to the poetry club every time. He was accepted by everyone there, he was free to express himself in any way.  
In half an hour, he was at the local church where these open mic nights were held. He sat down on one of the chairs that were put out there and he only saw a few people, one of them being the jock going by the name of Josh Dun from his high school. He was always there, every week, just like Tyler. Tyler didn’t like him one bit. He was pretentious and popular, had girls all over him, was the captain of the rugby team, he played the drums, had good grades, and had a rich and loving family… Everything anyone would want. However, he was also a bully. A disgusting bully.  
Tonight, Tyler felt like reading out his poem. He never had the confidence to do so, but tonight he felt like he could do it. He wanted to share his feelings for the first time. So that’s what he did. When they were all asked if they wanted to read out their poems, Tyler was the first to go. Ameli, the ‘founder’ of the poetry club expressed her surprise and invited him on the small stage in front of everyone. It was a scary feeling, but he liked it. As he stepped in front of the microphone, he opened his notebook that he wrote his poems in as it was in his hands and started reading it out loud slowly. At first, his voice coming through the speakers scared him, but he got used to after a few lines.  
_“I ponder of something great_  
_My lungs will fill and then deflate_  
_They fill with fire_  
_Exhale desire_  
_I know it's dire_  
_My time today_  
_I have these thoughts_  
_So often I ought_  
_To replace that slot_  
_With what I once bought_  
_'Cause somebody stole_  
_My car radio_  
_And now I just sit in silence_  
_Sometimes quiet is violent_  
_I find it hard to hide it_  
_My pride is no longer inside_  
_It's on my sleeve_  
_My skin will scream_  
_Reminding me of_  
_Who I killed inside my dream_  
_I hate this car that I'm driving_  
_There's no hiding for me_  
_I'm forced to deal with what I feel_  
_There is no distraction to mask what is real_  
_I could pull the steering wheel”_  
He felt his nerves all along, but he has forced himself to do it. He needed to be heard. He wanted to be heard. He felt more confident and he wanted to use this chance. Everyone clapped. He was happy, he smiled at the people in front of who have encouraged him with smiles on their faces.  
The rest of the club went alright, people reading out poems. They were all so nice. Tyler thought there was so much talent in these people.  
***  
The next day as Tyler woke up, he looked at his phone. As of every morning, he got a text from the unknown admirer. It always said the same thing, but it still made Tyler’s heart melt. He loved the fact that someone would do things like this for him.  
After he got ready for school, he had a bit of time before he was supposed to leave, so he sat down. He has thought about what his dad told him every time he was beaten up by him. This has been going on since he was 10. That’s when his mother had died. His dad blamed Tyler for it, when it wasn’t his fault. Tyler started to believe it was his fault, and that’s why he was crying. He thought he was the one to blame, when really, it was all because of father. His mother has died of a suicide attempt after a really big argument with his dad as he bullied her for months and beat her up. She fell into depression back when Tyler was about 8 after his dad had cheated on her. She had forgiven him, but it hurt her deeply still. It left a mark that couldn’t heal in her lifetime. It was her only solution and Tyler didn’t blame her, but missed her. Tyler started to believe it all. So he decided.  
He quickly pulled out one of the drawers of his bedside table and reached for something. It was wrapped in tissues, so he quickly unfolded the tissues and put them down next to him. What was revealed from the white wipes was 3 shiny blades. Tyler sighed at their sight. He quickly picked one, and yanked his jumper’s sleeve up his arm so his wrist was revealed. He knew it was going to hurt, like it did every single time, but he enjoyed it. It made him feel not numb and depressed for a while. He felt like he was floating and everything was alright. Sadly, it was a serious addiction for him that he seemed to not be able to stop. He mostly did it when his dad hurt him and his thoughts were too much and too hurtful. It was just a distraction.  
He slowly dragged the blade across his skin for the first cut next to the older ones that were healed a bit. Then he started doing it faster, leaving cuts faster but still accurately, wherever he wanted them to be. He knew if he told anyone else about how he felt about self-harm, they would think he was crazy. He thought it was a form of art. He thought he could express things with it without saying a word and could do it however he wanted to. It was like poetry, but in a physical form. Not so much thinking, apart from the pre-self-harm routine (hurtful thoughts, lots of it too), more doing. Poetry needed thoughts to be put into it too, but for Tyler, he didn’t think anything when he was hurting himself. He just felt fulfilment, pain and warmth. It was a weird kind of warmth but he at least knew he was still alive and he could still feel something apart from sadness and mostly negative feelings.  
That day at school was weirdly quiet, no one in Tyler’s classes seemed to mess around too much. He didn’t know why.  
His last lesson was art with Mr. Westbrook which he anticipated as he loved painting and working on his final piece. He was painting a picture of someone he adored, which was his mother. He loved her more than anyone and missed her more than anyone. They have had a great relationship while she was alive. He always had a picture of her on his phone, not just for these lessons but for times when he really missed her.  
During his art lesson, he put his earphones in, shutting the world outside of his brain and he could only see what was happening in a blur around him. He got so lost in painting and listening to his favourite tunes that he barely noticed when his jumper’s sleeve slipped down his arm, revealing his fresh cuts. He quickly pulled it up, hoping no one would see. Everyone seemed to be too busy painting their own final pieces, too caught up to even care. Just like him. He looked over to Josh Dun as he was the closest person who was sitting near him. He didn’t even seem to notice Tyler’s little accident, so he just shrugged it off and went back to painting. Anxiety still took over his chest for a little while. The sound of the bell however made him relieved. He took his time cleaning up his paints and everything, and after saying a quick goodbye to Elliott, he was out of the door and then out of the school buildings, on his way to home. Home, shit home.  
When he got home, he barely had sat on his bed when he got a text, which made his heart start to beat faster, more anxiously and tears started to fill his eyes.  
_'Tyler, I love you. Why would you hurt yourself? Here. Have my number. Text me if you need anything. But just know that I love you. I’m always here. You’re so wonderful. Please, Tyler. I need you. I need you to be here. Stay alive for me.'_  
“Shit. Shit. Shit. No. No. No. No…” Tyler started whispering to himself, getting angrier with every word he said. He was furious. Who could’ve seen him? No one seemed to be looking at him and his wrist was exposed only for a few seconds. How could this happen?  
So Tyler texted back.  
_'You weren’t supposed to see it. Please, don’t tell anyone. I don’t want anyone to bully me. I promise you I’ll try to stay away from it, but tell me who you are._  
Half a minute later another text came.'  
_'I won’t. Please take care of yourself though. You don’t deserve it. Don’t hurt yourself. I will kiss each one of them. And I can’t tell you who I am. But meet me in the park where we met up last time.'_  
Tyler was shocked. Was he who he thought it was? Was this the guy from…?  
_'What? Are you the mysterious guy from the park?'_  
_'Yes. Meet me there in 10. Take care.'_  
So that’s what happened. Tyler quickly changed, threw things into his backpack that he needed, put his jumper on. It was still light so it surprised him the boy would still want to meet up in these conditions. But he left quickly, before his dad got home. He didn’t want to deal with him today. He ran to the park as quick as he could and sat down on the swings. It was weird to see the park at this time as darkness was still hours away. However, the park was empty. Not a lot of people came here, it was small and it wasn’t as beautifully made and taken care of as the rest around the neighbourhood.  
Tyler’s train of thoughts were interrupted a quiet cough and a person sitting down on the other swing. It was him. Tyler immediately looked up.  
He was wearing a mask with a skull on it and only his eyes could be seen. They were a mesmerising hazel brown colour. So pretty, Tyler thought.  
“Hey.” The boy said.  
“Hey.” Tyler said.  
The boy didn’t hesitate to stand up and crouch next to Tyler. He cautiously reached for Tyler’s arm, the one that was wounded. He slowly pulled the jumper up on Tyler’s arm, making sure he didn’t mind, glancing at him a few times while doing it. However, the other boy was looking somewhere else, trying to make his tears go away. He didn’t want to break down in front of the mysterious boy.  
Tyler was surprised as he felt a soft pair of lips on his cut wrist. At least 10 kisses were left on Tyler’s damaged skin until the boy looked away and slowly started shaking.  
“Hey, what’s up?” Tyler asked. His heart broke even more as the other boy looked back up at him. His beautiful eyes were full of tears and his lips were shaking under the mask.  
“I am so sorry Tyler. Please, whatever you’re going through… It’s going to get better. Don’t do this again. I swear to you, I’ll always be here. Always, do you hear me? I’ll do whatever it takes to make it better for you. I promise you with all that’s in me that I am going to get rid of this thing in your life that made you do this to yourself. Call me in the middle of the night, I don’t care. Whenever you feel the urge. Please, just call me. Do you understand?” The boy said, his words slightly muffled by the fabric of the mask in front of his mouth.  
Tyler slowly nodded. He was then wrapped into a warm hug that made him feel like everything was going to be alright. Someone finally gave a shit about him. He felt hopeful again. It was a feeling of relief that he didn’t quite understand yet. It was like being pulled up from underwater after almost drowning.  
“I-I’m sorry. I promise. I promise.” He felt a little unsure about promising but as the second sentence left his mouth, he got more confident and this could be heard in his last two words.  
The two boys sat outside for hours, not getting tired of each other’s company.  
***  
A month later, nothing much has changed. He has been receiving gifts, flowers and letters from his secret admirer, telling Elliott about everything. He was happier than ever, but still frustrated with the person doing all of this for him. He thought it was a joke at first, but then he thought about it more. No one would’ve done it for a month now just for a joke. He and the mysterious boy had been texting and meeting up in the park almost every evening.  
He still didn’t know his name. But there was one occasion that made everything go in another direction, other than friendship. It was a new feeling to Tyler, but he felt he was slowly falling. And for once, not into darkness, but love.  
Tyler was waiting for his friend, sitting on the swings, silently crying. His dad has been beating him up again after getting home drunk, once again.  
His friend interrupted his thoughts with a slight cough. Tyler looked up and the other boy has ran up to him and hugged him. Tyler released into his arms, crying his soul out, at least that’s what it felt like for him. The boy tried to calm Tyler down, which took a while, but he stopped crying in the end. He had told the boy everything. About his dad being an alcoholic since he was 10, how his mother died and everything about the issues in his life.  
“It’s all my fault, you know. I know it is. My dad is right.” Tyler sniffed and felt the other boy’s hand suddenly grabbing his own one that was hanging down next to the swing.  
“It’s not, Tyler. It’s all on your dad. He is just trying to make himself believe he is not the one to blame when in reality, it is.” He said so softly it made Tyler tear up a little bit.  
“Thank you. I really want to know who you are though. You are so nice. I wish I could just kiss you.” Tyler said but he wish he didn’t. He regretted saying it as soon as it came out of his mouth. “Shit, I’m sorry, I wasn’t meant to say that-I-uh, just ignore that.” He was panicking even though he knew the other boy liked him back.  
“You want to kiss me?” He asked.  
“I-no, I mean yes, of course, i-if you don’t mind.” Tyler said quietly.  
“I like you, Ty.” The boy said and pulled Tyler closer by grabbing the collar of his jumper, pulling him into a kiss. Tyler’s whole body seemed to be going crazy as their lips connected. The kiss was so sweet and just perfect. It was better than what Tyler thought. He wanted to do it again and again and again until the end of time. The other boy has licked Tyler’s lips and slid his tongue through Tyler’s lips and their tongues met. They both lost track of the time, but it didn’t matter. Tyler wanted to stay there forever. It was wonderful. They finally separated.  
“Woah.” They both said at the same time. “Who are you? I need to know, you don’t understand how much.” Tyler said.  
“Tyler, I don’t think you would like me. I-I… I don’t think you would like me if you knew who I was.” The boy said, sounding scared.  
“I-look. I don’t care who you are at this point, I would like you, no matter what. You’ve done so many nice things for me, even if you were that stupid Francis Grimes, I wouldn’t care anymore. And he’s an asshole, I hate him with a passion. But if that guy was you, I would accept it. I would say that I just judged you by your looks, your past and that you have changed. Tell me, please. Give me a hint.” Tyler begged. He meant what he said. Francis Grimes was the nightmare of all students, parents and teachers.  
“If you say so… Um, well, I guess I should ask you now. Will you come with me to the summer ball? We would have to wear masks and stuff, but I would meet you there and I would show you my face. I promise, if you go to the ball with me.” He said, sighing, slightly begging too.  
“Yes, of course, god… I’ll take any chance. Thank you.” Tyler said and pulled the boy into a tight hug, then gave him a peck on his lips.  
“Great, we’ll talk about this later but you should go. We should both go. It’s really late.”  
And so they went home.  
***  
It was the summer ball’s night tonight, a month later the mysterious admirer asked Tyler to go with him. Tyler was too excited for his own good. He has taken some money from his dad who didn’t care much for what Tyler used it for, so he bought himself a suit, shoes and a mask for the ball.  
He was standing in front of the mirror that evening. He fixed his tie a thousand times by now, brushed his teeth, put an enormous amount of deodorant and aftershave on himself to make sure he smelt good, brushed his hair and cleaned his shoes five more times before leaving. The red-and-black suit suited the mask he was wearing.  
He had planned to walk to the school but a limousine was parked in front of his house as he noticed when he stepped outside. He knew who had sent the limousine, but was surprised. He was happy anyone at all would do that for him. He walked up to the vehicle and was greeted by the driver. He has opened the door for him, so Tyler said thank you and sat inside. The limousine was filled with balloons and there was something wrapped in wrapping paper and a letter waiting to be torn open. So Tyler smiled to himself, quickly buckling himself up after reaching for the two small things. He has torn the gift’s wrapping off and there was a painting of him. He didn’t understand it at first, but when he opened the letter, it all made sense.  
_‘Dear Tyler._  
_This is the day. This is the day we’ve been waiting for. I am anxious, scared but also excited to reveal myself. I hope you aren’t going to hate me. But I want you to know something. I have fallen in love with you. You are so wonderful. I’m glad you like me back, but I hope this ‘liking’ will turn into ‘loving’ after tonight, and not ‘hating’. And this painting is my final piece. I painted it of you because you have inspired me in so many ways... You are such an amazing person. Your poetry, the way you are with people, everything about you… I just adore you so much. I’ve been wanting to tell you this since the first time I saw you two years ago, while we both were freshman. I love every single thing about you. So please, at least don’t hate me when you get to know who I am really. I love you so much, Tyler Joseph. I will see you soon._  
_\- your secret admirer <3’_  
Tyler’s heart jumped into his throat and tears started to multiply in his eyes. He fell in love with this person too, even though he had no clue who it was.  
When he got to the school, he went to the gym of the school where the ball took place. It was beautifully decorated, with already a lot of people around. Everyone looked mysterious tonight and Tyler didn’t even recognise people who were in most of his classes. He got a text.  
_‘I’ll meet you at the punch tables in 5. Be there. :)’_  
The anxiety in his throat has started to grow more and more. So he went up to where he was supposed to be. He was standing around, playing around on his phone to try and calm his nerves. It was hard. But after the 5 minutes passed, he felt a hand on his shoulders and he knew this was it. He turned around.  
“Hey.” The voice he knew oh so well. He loved it. It was deep and calming. The boy had a weirdly familiar shade of blue hair, but he couldn’t think of the reason why it was familiar. “May I have you for a dance?” He smiled at him. Tyler gladly accepted.  
The boy pulled Tyler onto the dance floor, put one of his shaking hands onto Tyler’s waist, while the other one was holding Tyler’s hand. Tyler has put his free hand on the boy’s shoulders. They both danced slowly to the rhythm and it felt like they were the only people existing in the world for those few minutes. They had kissed too. It was all so perfect. He felt his body shaking so much. He was excited. Months of anticipation has led to this night.  
“I love you, Tyler.” He said softly into Tyler’s ears as the song ended.  
“I love you too.” Tyler answered. He knew it was true.  
“I guess my time has come. I hope you won’t hate me.” He said shakily. He was nervous.  
“I won’t. I promise.” Tyler said and he felt like he was about to pass out.  
“Okay. Here we go.” The boy had said and unfolded the silky ribbon behind his head. He looked down, took his mask off. He looked up at Tyler slowly, smiling nervously.  
Tyler was shaking harder than ever. His eyes became large with the surprise that his filled his whole body up but the butterflies in his stomach got wilder. It was all so surreal… How could he like him? He couldn’t believe it, but after a few seconds, he forced some words out.  
“Josh?” Tyler blushed. He couldn’t find any other words.  
“Surprise.” Josh said, smiling a bit.  
“Out of all the people… You-uh-what? I’m sorry, it’s just so unreal.” Tyler choked on his own words. The tears came flooding out of his eyes.  
“It’s real though.” Josh said. Tyler pulled him onto his lips by yanking him slightly as he grabbed his collar. It was the best kiss of his life. Full of happiness.  
“Fuck, I love you Josh. God, I-uh, it feels like a dream. I love you.” Tyler said, trying to wipe the tears in his eyes, still holding onto Josh’s collars.  
“I love you too, Tyler.” Then they kissed again.  
It was the best night of Tyler’s life. Josh had taken him to his house that night, and his room was decorated with lit up candles. It smelled nice in the room and looked so romantic. Tyler knew what Josh wanted. He wanted it too, even though he had just gotten to know who his secret admirer was. He had fallen in love with him long before.  
Josh made love to Tyler and it was better than anything Tyler experienced before, apart from kissing. He felt like he was above the clouds and that nothing else mattered at that point in time. It was sex that was about love and caring for each other. He felt like he fell apart and was put back together. He felt happy. He felt complete.  
They fell asleep together, cuddling each other. The morning came slowly while the two boys slept peacefully.  
Tyler opened his eyes to find himself being looked at by those hazel brown eyes he loved so much. They were beautiful. The lips he also loved so much were curved upwards into a smile, and he couldn’t resist the urge to kiss them after smiling back at Josh. They whispered ‘I love you’ into each other’s lips even though they knew it was cheesy. But it made them feel happy and that’s all that mattered to them.  
The memories came flooding back into Tyler’s mind and he felt a blush coming onto his face, shyly looking down on Josh’s chest. He slowly put his hand on Josh’s waist and discovered that he was still naked.  
“Thank you for yesterday.” Tyler said quietly, smiling uncontrollably.  
“Thank you. And um… I would like to ask you something.” Josh said seriously, biting his lips. Tyler felt nervous again.  
“Yeah, go on.” He felt more and more anxious as the seconds passed. He was overthinking things again.  
“I love you Tyler. I loved you for more than a year now. Now that you know who I am, we’ve kissed, we’ve told each other that we love each other, now that we’ve… made love, I-uh… Would you be my boyfriend?” Josh asked nervously. As if the answer was going to be no…  
“Of course. I would love to be!” Tyler said, giggling. Josh’s heart melted. He cupped the giggling boy’s cheeks and kissed him. He loved him more than anyone or anything in this world.  
***  
Months have passed, they have spent the whole of summer break together and they were back at school again, but they were in their last year of high school, both of them being seniors now. Tyler and Josh were pretty open about their relationship, now everyone knowing of what was between the two of them. Tyler has met Josh’s parents and Josh convinced Tyler to go to the police after he was beaten up again by his dad. They had known it was going to happen so they recorded it with Tyler’s phone, having more evidence that his father was a monster. He was in jail, so Tyler felt free. However, he had to live in Josh’s house as his house was sold. This happened during the summer break, so Tyler was able to move out the things he needed, into Josh’s house. His parents loved the younger boy so they really didn’t mind, especially them being fairly rich. Tyler was more thankful than ever. Josh’s parents agreed with the court to take care of Tyler as foster parents until he turned 18, which was in a few months away, Tyler’s birthday being the 1st of December. It was all sorted for now and afterwards, he could live there legally without Josh’s parents being his foster carers. However, Josh had it all planned out with the help of his parents.  
They both had their own rooms, but they spent most of their time in Josh’s bedroom. The only time Tyler used his room properly was when Josh had rugby practice every Monday, Wednesday and Friday an hour after school ended. That’s when he wrote poems, done his homework and gave advice to Josh’s siblings. As it turned out, he had 3 younger siblings. Ashley, who was 16, Jordan, who was 12 and Abigail who was 10. They reminded him of his own siblings, Zack (16), Madison (12) and Jay (8). He missed them very much as he hasn’t seen them since their mother died. Their mother’s parents were taking care of them, who Tyler hasn’t seen either since his mom passed away. Josh’s siblings always came to Tyler for advice or emotional support when they felt like they couldn’t talk to their parents. It meant a lot to Tyler as he felt like he was truly accepted in this family.  
It was the last week of November Josh started to act weird and Tyler started to notice this. Josh’s parents acted like they knew nothing about it when in reality, they were the ones behind the idea. Josh locked himself in his bedroom, not letting Tyler in. This was every single day, whether Josh came home from school with Tyler or whether he came home alone from rugby practice. The younger boy didn’t want to say anything, but started to overthink things. He thought Josh stopped loving him. Or he had someone else to talk to. But sometimes he thought he was just tired from the stress that the approaching Christmas break has put on him as he had lots of things to do before the holidays. Tyler understood but his bad thoughts have gotten to him. Him knocking on the door was of no use, Josh always responded with ‘I’m busy’.  
On 30th November, he felt like he couldn’t take it anymore. He promised Josh he would try to avoid it, but he couldn’t resist the urge to hurt himself.  
Tyler was in his own room, crying his eyes out. Was it all his fault? Was it something he did? His sobs escaping his mouth were muffled as he put his head onto his knees that he was hugging against his chest. He felt like he was alone again. The flashbacks of his dad hurting him, avoiding him, telling him to leave him alone came back again. And even the bits where he beat him up, even though that wasn’t relevant to his present situation. He was shaking again, like he was cold and hurt. So he reached for his emotional-pain killers.  
Soon enough, his skin was ‘decorated’ with tiny red beads again after months of not doing so. He remembered how much he loved the colour red. It meant he was alive even though he felt like he was dying again. However, Tyler forgot how much it really hurt and how much it really stung his skin when it was opened up by the silver blades. He quietly continued crying, biting onto his fist that was now in his mouth. He didn’t realise how hard he was biting until he tasted the red liquid. He hissed and quietly said ‘shit’ to himself. He must’ve not realised that he wasn’t holding back the sound of his cries as the door opening took him by a surprise. It was him.  
“Tyler…?” A soft, quiet and sad-sounding voice followed the sound of the door opening. “Shit…” He cursed to himself and quickly sat down next to the bleeding younger boy. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have let this happen.” Josh said. His tears were flooding too, just as were Tyler’s. He quickly got up to get things to clean up Tyler with, and was back in a few seconds. He carefully cleaned Tyler’s fresh cuts next to the faded scars of cuts that have been made months ago. He was filled with regret. Tyler wasn’t. He just felt numb. After he sorted his boyfriend out, he sat down next to him. “Tyler, why did you do that?” Josh felt a scratching feeling in his throat as his tears wanted to roll down his cheeks again.  
“I-I know that you don’t love me anymore. But why? I don’t get it. What did I do? Please tell me, I swear I’ll change, I’ll do whatever, please, Josh. I don’t want to lose you.” Tyler slowly looked up at Josh, his desperate words leaving his mouth quickly. His eyes looked watery. Josh broke down crying for a few seconds and but then looked up at Tyler.  
“I’m such an idiot. Shit, I’m so sorry Tyler. I still love you… It’s just, I’m working on something. I can’t tell you yet but you’ll know very soon. I love you more than anything though. Nothing has changed. And please don’t change. Not unless you want to. I don’t want to make you do that though. You are always going to be perfect the way you are. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.” Josh cupped Tyler’s face by the end and whispered his last four sentences into Tyler’s lips, looking down at them and then looking back up into the younger boy’s hazel eyes that he loved so much.  
And Tyler felt alright again.  
The next day, he woke up Josh’s bed, absorbing his warmth in his arms. He felt relieved. Josh still loved him. Everything was going to be alright.  
That afternoon, Josh’s weird act came back again. But little did Tyler know, it was for the last time. They have gone to school that day and they came back. Josh didn’t have rugby practice, so he promised Tyler he would take him somewhere as the younger boy had gotten a good grade in school that he worked so hard for.  
Tyler was required to close his eyes as Josh drove to the place he wanted to take him to. They were both very nervous and excited, but Tyler was also curious.  
“Ahh, Joshua, when are we going to get there? And why are you so mysterious? It was only a grade, it doesn’t matter that much.” Tyler said, smiling.  
“Tyler, calm down. You deserve this. And remember, curiosity killed the cat.” Josh laughed.  
“We both know that’s not true. No cat has ever been killed because it was curious.” Tyler giggled.  
And then it was time.  
“Come on, lovely, let’s go. It’s time for your surprise.” Tyler felt the car slow down and then eventually stop. He felt nervous, maybe even more nervous than Josh at this point. He had no idea what was about to happen. “Okay, keep your eyes closed, but put your hands out so I can put something into it.” Josh continued. So that’s what Tyler did. He felt something cold touching his hands, something metallic perhaps. “Now you can open your eyes.” Josh said.  
Tyler looked down at his hands and he found that he was looking at a key.  
“What is this?” Tyler asked. He found it very odd. He slowly looked up at his boyfriend, looking suspicious.  
“It’s a key to our own house.” Josh said and as soon he finished talking, Tyler’s lips have parted and formed an ‘o’.  
“What?” He started to sound very happy and excited now.  
“It’s this one.” Josh pointed at the house that they were parked next to. “Happy birthday, Ty.” Josh said and in the next moment, he felt Tyler’s lips on his.  
***  
Tyler couldn’t say thank you enough to Josh and his family. He wasn’t able to express what he felt for them, even though he tried. He cried when Josh showed him around the house. It was beautiful, just what he always wanted. It wasn’t a big house, it was a lot smaller than his boyfriend’s family’s house, but it was perfect for the two of them. After all, they were the ones to move into it.  
***  
A few months later, they have finished high school and successfully got into the colleges they wanted to get into. They moved into the apartment, sometimes going to see Josh’s parents as they lived a one or two neighbourhoods away. There were ups and downs in their relationship, but they managed to get through them all. One day, they were outside, on the balcony of their bedroom. It was warm still, even though it was October. They were both looking at the starts, talking about things that didn’t matter much but they liked to discuss things about how the universe was so interesting and wonderful, full of secrets. That’s when Josh decided.  
“Hey, Tyler?” He asked shyly as his voice was quiet.  
“Yeah?” Tyler looked at Josh after looking at the stars for a while.  
“I know this is not the best way to ask as I don’t even have anything to offer you, no fancy dinner, no making love and most importantly, no fancy ring, but… Would you like… Will you marry me?” Josh said with a shaky voice. It made Tyler’s heart bump faster than ever. He didn’t care Josh didn’t have any of the things he mentioned. The question was all that mattered at that moment.  
“Yes, I’ll marry you. Of course.” Tyler laughed a little and pulled his boyfriend into a hug. After the hug, they looked at each other with so much love in both of their eyes, and leaned in for a kiss. It was the best kiss they have ever received. And then it was decided: they were going to marry each other. Tyler thought about what he had to go through before to be standing there on the balcony at that moment, kissing the person he loved the most under the beautiful, starry sky, and he thought about that it was all worth it. “Hey Josh…” Tyler said quietly.  
“Yeah?”  
“Thank you for everything. I love you.” He sighed, smiling, looking at Josh with so much adoration on his face.  
“You deserve it. And thank you too. I love you.” He answered, smiling back at Tyler. They kissed once again. They ended up hugging each other for the last time that night on that balcony. They fell asleep happier than usual that night.


End file.
